


The Grey

by DarkMidniteMage



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Gen, References to Depression, Self-Hatred, implied thoughts of suicide, medium soft josh, slightly nonverbal neku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 02:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15305550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMidniteMage/pseuds/DarkMidniteMage
Summary: [Songfic based on the song The Grey by Icon For Hire. Formatting errors can be blamed on the WattPad editor, when I had originally had this story stored.]Sitting atop the 104 building, a lonely Composer stares down to his former Proxy that stands beneath an overcast sky.





	The Grey

**_I am standing on the edge of returning or just running away... I'm letting myself look the other way. And the hardest part of all of this is I don't think I know my way back home..._ **

**_Is it worth the journey, or do I let my heart settle here?_ **

As he gazed longingly down to the group, Joshua smiled sadly.

“It's their world.” Joshua told himself again. “They should be free to do with it as they please. I shouldn't interfere…”

**_How cold have I become?_ **

As much as it hurt him to say it, he missed Neku. He'd killed him, not only once, but twice, and he hadn't even bothered to apologize. He'd lied and lied, time after time. He'd hurt him again and again, even though he cared about him. It wasn't the first time he'd hurt the people whom he cared for.

**_I didn't want to lose you by what I'd done..._ **

Pushing down the thoughts, Joshua tried to keep my emotions intact. He didn't want it to start raining, not when they're having fun. Even so, the clouds overhead started to drip lightly, a small cloudburst coming down. Hurriedly, he suspended the water in the air, pushing it back up towards the clouds as vapor.

Soon, Joshua realized that the rain wasn't the only liquid slipping down. Rubbing at his eyes, he brushed away the tears that spilled.

_'Don't ruin their day...'_ Joshua scolded himself internally.

They're enjoying themselves down there, so he shouldn't let it fall apart for them.

Turning back to the group, he saw Neku looking up. He seemed to be looking towards the sky, as if he had expected it to be raining. A few seconds passed before he turned back to look at the group.

"It's their world..." he softly murmured. "Let them be happy."

Closing my eyes, Joshua flopped down against the roof of the 104 building. He shouldn't mess with their world anymore. He'd tried that before, and he knew just how badly that went then. Just how much worse would it get now, should he attempt?

Besides, even if Joshua decided that he did want to, Neku and the others probably hated him for all that he had put them through.

He might as well head back to WildKat. Joshua still needed to talk to Hanekoma about those updates.

...A few more moments here would be nice, though. No one bothers him while he sits, perched above metal structures and thousands of large, reflective windows.

Taking about three minutes more on the roof, he only focused on his breathing as he tried to retain his emotions again. He really didn't want a repeat of seven weeks ago, when he had almost lost it in front of his Reapers. That would have been an unpleasant situation, especially considering that doing so would result in them most likely seeing their Composer as a weak person.

Opening his eyes again, Joshua looked up to the pale gray sheet above him. He really should head back...

Standing up, Joshua looked down over the group again. Shiki, Beat, Rhy- Where's Neku?

He must have walked off to do something...

Standing at the edge, Joshua scanned over the area for him.

_'Where could he have gone so quickly...? Unless he ran off befo-'_

"Joshua?"

**_Caught in the grey._ **

He yelped, turning to the sudden call of his name.

Joshua realized his mistake seconds later as he felt nothing beneath his feet.

Joshua's mind drew a blank, panic taking over as he felt the sudden rush of air.

No.

No no no-

He reached out, quickly latching onto the side of the building. He hissed in pain as the edge of the metal roof dug into his palms, the jagged edge cutting into them and drawing a small amount of blood.

"Joshua!"

He saw a pair of tanned hands reach down, grabbing onto his wrist and pulling him up. As he was pulled back up to the surface of the roof, Joshua realized why he had recognized the voice.

Violet eyes darted up, seeing dark blue irises looking down in concern.

"Joshua, are you okay?!"

He didn't know what to say. Any and all words were caught in his throat.

Joshua turned away, not meeting Neku's gaze.

**_I don't want to look you in the eyes, you might call me away..._ **

"Joshua...?"

He felt rain drip onto his cheek, followed not long after by thunder. The rain suddenly started pelting down, masking the tears that were starting to slip down Joshua's skin.

_'Dammit...'_

"Josh, we should probably get out of the rain." Neku moved around his former partner, looking him in the eyes.

He wished he hadn't stopped himself from falling. Anything was better than having Neku see him like this... Anything.

"Are... are you crying?"

"N-no... it's just the rain..."

He heard Neku sigh, and his hand latched onto Joshua's. Before the silver-blonde haired Composer could tell what was happening, Neku yanked Joshua to his feet and started dragging him along by the wrist. He didn't pull away. How was he supposed to react...?

Neku opened the door to the roof, then tugged him inside of the building's staircase area.

**_I don't want to give you the chance to make me stay..._ **

Neku released his grip on Joshua's wrist, but it was only seconds more before he was held in a tight grip by his arms.

"Where have you been?"

_Neku never does this. So... why is he..._

"I looked for you everywhere... Why didn't you come back?"

"Y-you... you looked..."

"Yeah... You're my friend, Joshua. Of course I looked for you!"

His words sound so genuine... Does he-

No, he couldn't. He couldn't give in to this... He couldn't let Neku be at risk because of him.

**_And the hardest part in all of this is I know my way back. I don't want to go..._ **

"Joshua, come with me."

"Neku..."

He wanted to tell him.

He wanted to tell him how sorry he was.

He wanted to apologize for everything that he'd done.

He wanted to tell him he was sorry that he couldn't be around him.

He wanted to tell him that he was doing this to protect him from them...

...But he couldn't.

**_...And let you see all that has become of me._ **

"I-I... I can't..."

Neku pulled away, looking to Joshua with an expression he couldn't pin to an emotion.

"Why?!"

"I can't... not again. I... I don't want to put you in that situation again..."

He couldn't take this. Not anymore.

"What situat-"

Before he could finish speaking, Joshua had pulled himself from Neku's grasp and was down two flights of stairs.

"Joshua!"

He heard Neku coming after him, but he didn't care. He had to get away from him. He just... couldn't let him get hurt because of him. He'd hurt him enough as it was.

Wet shoes slid as Joshua rounded corners. He looked up, seeing Neku nearing him rapidly. The second he turned forwards again, his heart skipped a beat. Time froze.

Pain seared  through Joshua's skull as it crashed into something sharp and solid. Not even seconds later, there was nothing.

**_I should've known, I should've known..._ **

**_I didn't have a chance._ **

 

_**> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>** _

 

Neku's thoughts ground to a halt as he heard a sound of something smacking roughly against the stairs. Rounding the corner, he froze.

...No.

No.

Forcing himself to move forwards, he carefully moved down the stairs around the water trails that Joshua had left behind as he hurried towards him. Kneeling down beside him, Neku's first instinct was to check his pulse. He almost sighed in relief as he realized it was still there, but Neku then took into account the condition he was in.

What was he supposed to do to help his Composer?

 

_Please... please don't end up like them..._

 

Neku gently moved Joshua's head to be on his lap, despite the notions of caution he withheld. Joshua was breathing fairly normally, but the paranoid side of Neku was constantly watching his chest rise and fall.

He didn't have a chance to tell him that he forgave him yet.

"Joshua... don't you dare die on me." he whispered softly.

Neku tugged his phone free from his pocket, searching through his contacts for Mr. Hanekoma's number. He still retained it in his caller history, and although he hadn't used it since being in the Underground, he had it labeled just in case.

He quickly dialed it.

Mr. Hanekoma picked up on the second ring.

"What's up, 'Phones?"

"M-Mr. Hanekoma, J-Josh.... h-he-"

"What about Joshua? What happened? Did he shoot you again?!"

"No! H-he fell down the stairs at 104, and he's unconscious, and I d-don't know what to do, and I-"

"I'm on my way."

The line went dead, and Neku was only partially aware that his voice had been shaking behind the anxiety that was balling up inside his chest and threatening to stop him from breathing.

He felt something wrap around him, a wave of... Something, that was telling him to stay calm. He wished he still had his headphones, that he could just slide them up over his ears and block everything out and forget that this was happening.

This is happening. This was really happening.

Neku felt the pressure behind his eyes release, slipping out and down and falling onto Joshua's already wet and darkened hair. Neku bit his lip, closing his eyes to try to stop his tears. He had to stay strong to keep Joshua safe. He was going to protect him, even if Hell had to freeze over to do it.

...He'd die for Joshua again, if it meant keeping him safe.

A door slammed open, and Neku's head snapped over to see Mr. Hanekoma, rain drenched, coming up the stairs quickly. He knelt next to Joshua and Neku, making a small noise as he was quick to notice the growing blood stain on Neku's shirt near the side of Joshua's head. He quickly moved aside Joshua's hair, seeing the small amount of torn skin. He sighed, running a free hand through his hair as he turned to Neku.

"'Phones, I'm gonna have to take him back to WildKat."

Neku didn't say anything, just nodded and gently moved Joshua from his lap so Mr. Hanekoma could pick him up. Mr. Hanekoma picked up the silver-blonde haired boy up in one swift movement, standing up. Joshua's breathing had become irregular, and Neku stood up quickly in alarm.

"'Phones, you should come along too. You probably don't want to go home with blood on your shirt."

Neku glanced down, seeing the red staining his shirt. He grimaced, then nodded and carefully followed Mr. Hanekoma down the stairs. As they exited the building, Neku could feel a familiar shift in the air. He shivered involuntarily, but knew he was in the UG without having to ask. Whether this was Mr. Hanekoma's doing or that he had somehow done this unintentionally, he was slightly thankful that he wouldn't be questioned about the blood present on his shirt by passerby.

The clouds above were dark and looming as Neku glanced upwards, but no rain poured down on him as he trailed behind the tall figure in front of him. He walked behind him silently, finding all words caught in his throat. He subconsciously netted his fingers through his hair, a nervous movement that he didn't know that he did, despite having done it for years now.

"He's gonna be fine, 'Phones. Josh isn't as fragile as he looks." Mr. H spoke up, seemingly sensing the other teen's worry.

Neku couldn't get the words to come up to respond, no matter how he tried. He felt like he was being watched, but after a few moments the feeling vanished.

"'Phones, look. I know you're worried, but what Josh needs right now is for someone to be there for him. Since the Long Game, he hasn't been acting anything like himself."

Neku still couldn't respond.

_'Why now, of all the damn times for my voice to stop working, did it have to be now?!'_

"You know you aren't wearing a Player pin anymore, 'Phones?" Mr. Hanekoma turned back to Neku with a small, wry grin, and said teen took a moment to process this.

_'You can read my thoughts?'_

"Yep."

_'What do you mean that he hasn't been acting like himself?'_

"Exactly what I said, 'Phones. He hasn't been acting like he was during the Long Game. Hell, he hasn't even come around to WildKat unless it's Game related. Usually he comes around just to talk my ear off about various topics." Hanekoma turned back towards the path he was taking before continuing. "He's been spending all his time in the throne room, and every time I go to check in on him he disappears."

Neku thought back to his time in the Game with Joshua. Something, a thought he had just after waking up in the Scramble in the RG after the second time he'd been shot, broke free to the surface.

Josh had intended for him to kill him.

He'd fully intended to die.

Neku's feet refused to move as a wave of horror took over.

Josh wanted him to kill him.

Josh wanted to die.

Joshua wanted to die.

Oh god, Joshua wanted him to kill him so he'd die-

"'Phones."

No no no no no Joshua wouldn't-

He wouldn't try to-

Why in the ever living FUCK was he on 104?!

Was he trying to-

"Neku."

Joshua was trying to die.

Why was he trying to die?

Was it because of him?

Was it because of something he did?

Did Joshua want to kill himself because of-

"NEKU."

A hand on his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts and stopping him before he could finish it.

His eyes were staring up into cobalt gray ones, which peered down at him sternly over sunglasses. Joshua was being held by one of Hanekoma's arms, and he was reminiscent of a limp rag doll as he hung down loosely.

"You're not at fault for this. Truth be told, Neku... Josh's mental state has been slipping for a few years now."

Years?

Just how long had Joshua been suffering...?

Mr. Hanekoma readjusted his grip on Joshua, once again holding him normally as he turned back towards the main road.

"Come on, 'Phones. It's gonna start raining again before we get back to WildKat at the rate we're walking."

Numbly, Neku nodded silently and continued to follow him towards the café. It was silent, no noise from people, no noise of the usual cacophony of sounds from the city. Just deep silence, a silence that twisted and turned and buried itself deep into Neku's soul and almost seemed to turn him inside out and- ow that hurts that hurts that hurts-

Neku winced, but ignored the pain. Mr. Hanekoma had enough to worry about already, with Joshua like this, he didn't need to worry about him too. They reached WildKat soon enough anyways, heading inside after Mr. H unlocked the door, and by that time Neku was finding it much, much harder to deal with that spike of pain that dug into his chest and he didn't understand what it was, still couldn't figure out why it was there, but it made him want to curl up into a tiny ball and hide somewhere for a few hours until it went away - but no, no he couldn't do that, Joshua needed him- so there he stood by the door, watching as Mr. H set Joshua down on the couch and headed towards what Neku presumed was the back room.

Neku headed over to the side of the room by the window, sliding down against the wall and staring out of the glass. He pressed his knees up against his chest, closing his eyes, trying (and failing) to block out the sharp stabbing feeling that shot through him. He exhaled softly, realizing it wasn't going to work this time, then turned to look at Josh. He was still unconscious, and his breathing was still irregular and erratic. Neku forced himself away from the wall, standing up and making his way towards him, a thought in mind that he could somehow help his Composer. His hand reached out without meaning to, his hand running across Joshua's forehead.

Static became a spark, the spark became a jolt, the jolt a lightning bolt, and Neku found himself on the floor, suddenly feeling numb and weightless and completely confused. His mind refused to form complete thoughts, refused to respond, and he just gave up and watched his eyes close over a view that consisted of the display and the register counter.

 

_** >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>** _

 

The room seemed dark at first when his eyes opened, but he gradually realized that it was because the sky was still overcast and honestly pretty dark for it to only be... well, probably around midday, judging by the sun.

As Joshua's brain finally decided to come back online, he took a moment to figure out why he felt like he did the first time that he'd unintentionally gotten drunk with Megumi, subsequently getting a hangover from hell.

...Ah, right. The staircase...

Why was he running down it...?

He remembered the fear, the sharp pain, and then the silence, but it took him a moment more to pull back the memories he was looking for.

A sharp inhale, and he sat up abruptly.

Neku.

Where was Neku?

He frowned, his gaze shifting around, searching for him.

Seeing him nowhere, his gaze dropped to the floor.

Oh, there he is.

...Wait.

Joshua bent down, poking the teen's shoulder lightly. No response was given. He poked it again, but still no sign that Neku was even there.

He... he wasn't _dead_ , was he?

Joshua panicked, reaching for his partner's neck. His panic was subdued as he realized Neku was still breathing, still had a heartbeat. He wasn't dead, but probably wasn't just asleep either, considering Joshua knew just how lightly Neku slept. A thought came to mind, and he listened for Neku's Music.

Faint (honestly _too_ faint) notes lifted towards him in response, the familiar tune being replaced with discordant notes that physically hurt to listen to.

Drawing Shibuya's Music towards him and drawing the energy up into his hands, Joshua rested his palm on Neku's chest, over his heart. His eyes subconsciously closed, and he focused only on the energy being transferred between the two of them. As he heard Neku's Music shift, notes returning to their proper place on the staff, he opened his eyes to see cerulean ones staring blankly forwards.

Joshua couldn't help himself, the momentary fear that something really, really terrible had happened to Neku causing him to leap forwards and embrace Neku without thinking. That seemed to jolt Neku awake, and he stiffened momentarily. For a moment, Joshua felt like he had done something terribly wrong, but this fear was mitigated by the feeling of Neku returning the hug. They sat silently, no words being spoken, nothing breaking the moment of peace between the two.

After what seemed like hours, but was really only minutes, Neku reluctantly pulled away and gazed over Joshua's forehead as if looking for something.

They heard a quiet laugh, and they both turned to see Sanae sipping at a cup of coffee with a small, slightly devious smirk playing on his lips.

"...Knew you'd figure it out, 'Phones."


End file.
